To come back

I never felt that desperation for not wanting to leave a place. I cried the whole flight back.

I found my place in the world, and I did not want to leave it for a second. The one and only… My Rome

I had to come back to New Orleans to organize my life. How to pick up the ruins of an old life after a life changing experience? How to go back?

The truth is there is no way back. We are not the same that left. We see everything different, and the people we left behind seem to be living in an old time. Time for them stopped while we were chasing it.

There is no going back, because the ones we were are gone. They don’t not exist anymore. We are someone different now. We grew, we discovered, we saw and found ourselves again. We saw the world, and we can’t go back to the small life. Everything seems so small after a trip like this one. After crossing oceans and traveling thousands of kilometers, after seeing a whole new world… Our old lives seem an album of old photographs, do we recognize ourselves there?

The thing is, everything still the same… except you.

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How to see your old city with the same eyes?…When your eyes have seen so much more. I have to keep reminding myself I will be here only for a week, because that sense of closeness, that claustrophobic fear starts growing inside me every time I remember I am in New Orleans.

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I keep telling myself “it’s not the same,  I don’t live here anymore, I’m just passing through”.

Don’t get me wrong, I love this city, I have awesome memories, I have awesome friends here. But this is not where I belong anymore, this is not where I want to be. And after all the storms I have been through in the Crescent City, I cannot help but to feel I need to run away.

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How do you look at your old life when you have moved on? How do you confront the old you? I can see my old miserable self walking around, waiting for the days to go by with no hope of getting better, not knowing what to do. And the funny thing is… I had the choice and power to change it all along. I just didn’t see it back then.

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I am happy for Vicky, she changed her life around, and she just came back to close a chapter of an old book.

Thank you New Orleans.

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