All relationships begin with us, all of them. The relationship that we have with ourself is the base where all the others build from. If our grounds are not stable nothing else will be. The only relationship you must be working on is the one with yourself. This is not some Carrie Bradshaw/ SATC cliché, this is a simple truth that costed me years of learning experiences.
I was held back by failed relationships many times in my short life. I kept making the same mistake over and over… It isn’t until we realize there’s a patron going on in all our relationships (not only the romantic ones) that we can start working consciously to eventually have healthier relationships.
There is a common factor that is yourself, we have to realize that the responsibility to be happy rest in our own hands. It wasn’t until I realized it was me who was picking the wrong people to be around, and me who reacted the same bad old way with my family that I started making a change.
When you become conscious there is no more excuses. I realized the single more important relationship I had was with me. And this one was reflected in all the other relationships in my life that weren’t so good. My own self love wasn’t in good standings and I needed to work on that first.
I spent months listening to myself, asking myself questions and taking action towards my own happiness. I realized I had a self esteem problem that I was carrying since childhood and a lot of rancor in my heart that I wasn’t even aware of. Sometimes we inherit emotions as well as physical features.
I started working on healing by forgiving. Remember that there is no mistake or delay. Everything happens at the exact time it was supposed to.
When dealing with a toxic relationship of any sort we should consider this:
- We as whole human beings should not beg for someone’s time, effort or attention
Love yourself by valuing the amazing powerful creation that we are. We have to accept the other person’s path choice and walk away if that doesn’t bring us happiness. You should not beg or ask or twist your back to get someones love or time anymore.
I know how it feels. I was there, for a long time. I now look back and see all the false statements I believed in. I believed if I insisted enough they would love me back, if I show them how much I was worth of their love and attention they would want a relationship with me. If only they could see… But I was the blind one.
- We do not need another human to complete us. WE ARE COMPLETE AS WE ARE
I failed to see how much I worth as a person. And so do you. We all have the same capacities, and very different journeys. Focus on seeing for yourself everything you want that other person to see.
Focus on giving yourself value for all those things ONLY YOU have. Let them live their lives and spend their time how they want to. It is also their right to chose their own journey.
- You are not an option
You are not a plan B. It hurts to let go when we love, but it will hurt more when years go by and you are still stuck in the same situation. You will look back and realize you suffered when you could have been happier.
I don’t believe in “wasted time” because all those are part of our lives. And I don’t live in the past. What is done is done, I don’t forget. But I keep moving forward. Sometimes too fast. But I’m still learning.
You are such an important being, who is in this life to fulfill a destiny. You deserve the best of the world. You deserve all the love and attention you crave for. You should not be asking for it, this should be given to you freely. And how you get that? By giving it to yourself first.
- We attract what we are
It is wildly known the energy we emanate is the one we will get in return. It is like a mirror. Emanate love. Feel the love that is in your life in all the forms: from your family, your friends, your pets and yourself.
This world needs you and that special something that only you have. Be yourself and share your passion. Bring to the world your light and energy. You deserve it.
Think about all the times your relationships failed and you will see that most of those times if not all things didn’t go well because you didn’t love yourself enough. Because you let someone mistreat you, or because you felt you didn’t deserve good quality love. You either found people that was not capable to provide that love, or you found them and sabotaged it. Either way, you have to forgive yourself. Forgive every single one of the people that passed through your life, specially the not-so good, because we learned from all of them.
- Love yourself
The one single most important advice anybody can give you. You can read my post about self love here, a journey that I still walking every day.
Expand your heart and the love within it, it was an unimaginable strength. Here is a Buddhist Chant to help you do that
I also recommend Natalie Lue’s books and website